Living in the moment.

boring 5am

I love it when my sister has her off day.

Not only do I get free meals but free stuff too! Haha.

Plus... I'm never hungry.

Anyway, slowly and patiently waiting for my Macs to arrive.

I should really start sleeping earlier.

P.S. 3 days to my birthday, which I'm anxiously dreading :/

Wish my whole family was here to celebrate with me.

stuck in reverse, there's nothing worse

You know when you're young and get lost in love?

Well, although I'm not too proud of it, I can say I've gone through it alot of times only being 21.

It's the most intense and nicest feeling to have but it could leave you in pain 10x more intense.

I've gone through guys after guys and somehow, even if my most recent relationship wasn't the longest and the most perfect,

it was and still is the one I'd say I've treasured the most. I was both happy and sad but heck,

I was in love. I think the only difference between being lost in love then and now is that I knew something wasn't right (now).

But I still chose to go on with it cause you never really know when you'll feel that closeness with that person again...

which in all honesty, I was never really ready to give up just yet.

I honestly thought it would be my biggest regret due to the pain caused, but now that I think about it,

it's just another learning experience for me.

For now, I'm tired.

And I think it's about time that I put my emotions to rest.

:(

heartache.

I want to be uncomplicated and feel infinite.

Don't you just love it when you're all clean and fresh from a warm shower, hair still wet,

listening to your favorite songs and aircon's just in the right temp... as the night comes to a close and transits to the wee hours?

I do.

P.S. Hope this weekend passes in lightning speed!

I don't want anyone talking about Avalon :(

Today, the universe gave me a second chance.

It's 2am and I've yet to move away from my comp. Gahhhh, so lazyyy.

So anyway, I had my 2nd interview today at another advertising agency called AvenueOne.

It was all the way in Commonwealth which I initially was clueless about and to sum it up,

I'd say it wasn't the best of interviews. Adam, the main boss, told me how their company

does really boring work. How most of their clients are banks and how my style is very far off

from what they do. I mean, come on... I'm a freshgrad and I suppose I gotta start somewhere.

He's seen my portfolio online so I've assumed that by getting me to come down,

I had a slight chance in this company. Idk, but seems to me he's quite iffy about giving me that shot.

Oh ya, he also said my style was very goth? WTH.

I'm starting to feel that I'm really more cut out for graphic design than advertising.

Although I always thought I'd excel more in the latter...

Well apart from all that, I had a fairly good day :)

P.S. I.NEED.TO.SHOP..... BADLY.

Snacking on crispy caramel flavoured apple chips whilst endlessly sending out emails

for people to hire me... Godddd, this is too sinful.

new light

So it's true. There comes a point in everyone's life when all you have is yourself to rely on.

Not cause people have left your side, but sometimes you just have to understand

that these people won't always be available.

And guess what? I'm home on a Saturday night. It's not the first indeed, but somehow

I was dreading this weekend real bad cause I knew then that it would have to be a first for many things.

I tried to make plans but turns out everyone just seems too busy. It got a little frustrating

so I've decided to just stay in, order Macs, read my book and savor all the time I have for myself.

You know how people are in such a rush to move on after a break-up?

How they force as much into keeping themselves really busy just so the thoughts

and emotions won't come rushing? It's totally reasonable and I guess handling it

is different for everyone, but I realized that although I was able to keep my mind off things

a little this whole week- going out and staying out late as much as possible- the more I succumb to it.

Instead of letting things fall into place, I was too preoccupied with moving on and to be honest,

I just made it even harder for myself. I even forgot that the reason why he gave me up

is cause I needed to learn how to be on my own, grow and maybe find that inner peace.

I'm gonna order my Macs now.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday night x

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I've gone this far...

and still alive.

oh nooo

So I had my interview today for this advertising firm called Formul8. It was all the way in Duxton Hill...

you know, aligned with all the artsy shophouses and irish pubs, very near red dot.

I'd say it was pretty intimidating to even be setting foot in that area just cause it really gives off that

whole indie/designer vibe. I met the art director, Helmut and had a pretty good chat with him.

He was honest and direct about how demanding this industry is. Truth be told, I was a little taken aback

by the image he tried to paint me. I have my worries, definitely but if I do end up working there,

there's seriously no time for play.

Oh well, crossing my fingers for Monday's interview.

I think I might need a drink.

I'm not gonna lie, I still pretty much think about you day and night..

and as much as I really do try my best to stray away from thoughts of us,

it's something I can't seem to escape from.

But with all that said, I'm still grateful...

Cause you never really left.

x

Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but guess what?

I'm starting to feel alright.

Somehow tonight and last night bring me back to how it all started out...

I'm pretty sure this isn't me being too hopeful.

I don't know what it is but it makes me smile silly to myself :)

uhhh-mazing

oh no, a cigarette can't cover up the mess I'm in

But it makes me feel less lonely, again and again

I want another day with you

the fourteenth

I think that one thing I'm most afraid of right now is knowing the closeness we once had is partly gone.

It keeps hitting me like a bitch. Sooo damn hard... it's almost too impossible to fight it back.

It's like that day you finally choose or want to be numb to everything,

is when you actually feel a shitload of emotions. All in one go.

God, I miss you so much...

I have so many things I wanna let out but I'm afraid that by doing so,

my feelings might just eat me up alive.

Lord, help me out here.

Even the closest one to me right now can make me hit rock bottom.

Now I'm alone.

Maybe I'm better off like this anyway.

Maybe I never even had anyone in the first place.

get close, i love to feel your hair

so here we are

I don't think it's even about being tactless irregardless of what your intentions are anymore,

or about me being emotionally unstable over countless things at the moment...

It's come to that point wherein you're always just going to be looking for something more.

I'm tired of this chase.

I miss our tales of sheer happiness.

When will it ever feel like my time here is worth it?

It's like I never even left.

Cause things are still depressingly the same.

I miss home so much.