FUCK WORK AND THE HELLHOLE I'M AT EVERY DAMN DAY :(

ready or not

OMG IM A WORKING GIRRRL.

Gone are the days when I'd send in my resume to company after company,

checking my hotmail EVERY DAMN DAY and refreshing it within minutes overnight,

getting stressed/anxious over a call for an interview and thinking "this could be it."

Seriously the longest and most frustrating wait ever.

I know I may regret choosing this company over other possible prospects,

but in all things I really just need to keep an open mind.

fingers crossed xx

A NEW LIGHT.

mental marathon is over

You know that feeling when you just really need to be elsewhere other than your own home?

It's not exactly running away but for the past few days, I just knew I wasn't so ready to face everything yet.

Perhaps you might say it's something like rehab, ironically speaking.

Well now I'm home... and it feels damn good for the first time in sooo long.

Somewhere in between, I'm afraid.

twenty one

Living in the moment.

boring 5am

I love it when my sister has her off day.

Not only do I get free meals but free stuff too! Haha.

Plus... I'm never hungry.

Anyway, slowly and patiently waiting for my Macs to arrive.

I should really start sleeping earlier.

P.S. 3 days to my birthday, which I'm anxiously dreading :/

Wish my whole family was here to celebrate with me.

stuck in reverse, there's nothing worse

You know when you're young and get lost in love?

Well, although I'm not too proud of it, I can say I've gone through it alot of times only being 21.

It's the most intense and nicest feeling to have but it could leave you in pain 10x more intense.

I've gone through guys after guys and somehow, even if my most recent relationship wasn't the longest and the most perfect,

it was and still is the one I'd say I've treasured the most. I was both happy and sad but heck,

I was in love. I think the only difference between being lost in love then and now is that I knew something wasn't right (now).

But I still chose to go on with it cause you never really know when you'll feel that closeness with that person again...

which in all honesty, I was never really ready to give up just yet.

I honestly thought it would be my biggest regret due to the pain caused, but now that I think about it,

it's just another learning experience for me.

For now, I'm tired.

And I think it's about time that I put my emotions to rest.

:(

heartache.

I want to be uncomplicated and feel infinite.

Don't you just love it when you're all clean and fresh from a warm shower, hair still wet,

listening to your favorite songs and aircon's just in the right temp... as the night comes to a close and transits to the wee hours?

I do.

P.S. Hope this weekend passes in lightning speed!

I don't want anyone talking about Avalon :(

Today, the universe gave me a second chance.

It's 2am and I've yet to move away from my comp. Gahhhh, so lazyyy.

So anyway, I had my 2nd interview today at another advertising agency called AvenueOne.

It was all the way in Commonwealth which I initially was clueless about and to sum it up,

I'd say it wasn't the best of interviews. Adam, the main boss, told me how their company

does really boring work. How most of their clients are banks and how my style is very far off

from what they do. I mean, come on... I'm a freshgrad and I suppose I gotta start somewhere.

He's seen my portfolio online so I've assumed that by getting me to come down,

I had a slight chance in this company. Idk, but seems to me he's quite iffy about giving me that shot.

Oh ya, he also said my style was very goth? WTH.

I'm starting to feel that I'm really more cut out for graphic design than advertising.

Although I always thought I'd excel more in the latter...

Well apart from all that, I had a fairly good day :)

P.S. I.NEED.TO.SHOP..... BADLY.

Snacking on crispy caramel flavoured apple chips whilst endlessly sending out emails

for people to hire me... Godddd, this is too sinful.

new light

So it's true. There comes a point in everyone's life when all you have is yourself to rely on.

Not cause people have left your side, but sometimes you just have to understand

that these people won't always be available.

And guess what? I'm home on a Saturday night. It's not the first indeed, but somehow

I was dreading this weekend real bad cause I knew then that it would have to be a first for many things.

I tried to make plans but turns out everyone just seems too busy. It got a little frustrating

so I've decided to just stay in, order Macs, read my book and savor all the time I have for myself.

You know how people are in such a rush to move on after a break-up?

How they force as much into keeping themselves really busy just so the thoughts

and emotions won't come rushing? It's totally reasonable and I guess handling it

is different for everyone, but I realized that although I was able to keep my mind off things

a little this whole week- going out and staying out late as much as possible- the more I succumb to it.

Instead of letting things fall into place, I was too preoccupied with moving on and to be honest,

I just made it even harder for myself. I even forgot that the reason why he gave me up

is cause I needed to learn how to be on my own, grow and maybe find that inner peace.

I'm gonna order my Macs now.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday night x

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I've gone this far...

and still alive.