Somewhere in between, I'm afraid.

twenty one

Living in the moment.

boring 5am

I love it when my sister has her off day.

Not only do I get free meals but free stuff too! Haha.

Plus... I'm never hungry.

Anyway, slowly and patiently waiting for my Macs to arrive.

I should really start sleeping earlier.

P.S. 3 days to my birthday, which I'm anxiously dreading :/

Wish my whole family was here to celebrate with me.

stuck in reverse, there's nothing worse

You know when you're young and get lost in love?

Well, although I'm not too proud of it, I can say I've gone through it alot of times only being 21.

It's the most intense and nicest feeling to have but it could leave you in pain 10x more intense.

I've gone through guys after guys and somehow, even if my most recent relationship wasn't the longest and the most perfect,

it was and still is the one I'd say I've treasured the most. I was both happy and sad but heck,

I was in love. I think the only difference between being lost in love then and now is that I knew something wasn't right (now).

But I still chose to go on with it cause you never really know when you'll feel that closeness with that person again...

which in all honesty, I was never really ready to give up just yet.

I honestly thought it would be my biggest regret due to the pain caused, but now that I think about it,

it's just another learning experience for me.

For now, I'm tired.

And I think it's about time that I put my emotions to rest.

:(

heartache.

I want to be uncomplicated and feel infinite.

Don't you just love it when you're all clean and fresh from a warm shower, hair still wet,

listening to your favorite songs and aircon's just in the right temp... as the night comes to a close and transits to the wee hours?

I do.

P.S. Hope this weekend passes in lightning speed!

I don't want anyone talking about Avalon :(

Today, the universe gave me a second chance.

It's 2am and I've yet to move away from my comp. Gahhhh, so lazyyy.

So anyway, I had my 2nd interview today at another advertising agency called AvenueOne.

It was all the way in Commonwealth which I initially was clueless about and to sum it up,

I'd say it wasn't the best of interviews. Adam, the main boss, told me how their company

does really boring work. How most of their clients are banks and how my style is very far off

from what they do. I mean, come on... I'm a freshgrad and I suppose I gotta start somewhere.

He's seen my portfolio online so I've assumed that by getting me to come down,

I had a slight chance in this company. Idk, but seems to me he's quite iffy about giving me that shot.

Oh ya, he also said my style was very goth? WTH.

I'm starting to feel that I'm really more cut out for graphic design than advertising.

Although I always thought I'd excel more in the latter...

Well apart from all that, I had a fairly good day :)

P.S. I.NEED.TO.SHOP..... BADLY.

Snacking on crispy caramel flavoured apple chips whilst endlessly sending out emails

for people to hire me... Godddd, this is too sinful.

new light

So it's true. There comes a point in everyone's life when all you have is yourself to rely on.

Not cause people have left your side, but sometimes you just have to understand

that these people won't always be available.

And guess what? I'm home on a Saturday night. It's not the first indeed, but somehow

I was dreading this weekend real bad cause I knew then that it would have to be a first for many things.

I tried to make plans but turns out everyone just seems too busy. It got a little frustrating

so I've decided to just stay in, order Macs, read my book and savor all the time I have for myself.

You know how people are in such a rush to move on after a break-up?

How they force as much into keeping themselves really busy just so the thoughts

and emotions won't come rushing? It's totally reasonable and I guess handling it

is different for everyone, but I realized that although I was able to keep my mind off things

a little this whole week- going out and staying out late as much as possible- the more I succumb to it.

Instead of letting things fall into place, I was too preoccupied with moving on and to be honest,

I just made it even harder for myself. I even forgot that the reason why he gave me up

is cause I needed to learn how to be on my own, grow and maybe find that inner peace.

I'm gonna order my Macs now.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday night x

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I've gone this far...

and still alive.

oh nooo

So I had my interview today for this advertising firm called Formul8. It was all the way in Duxton Hill...

you know, aligned with all the artsy shophouses and irish pubs, very near red dot.

I'd say it was pretty intimidating to even be setting foot in that area just cause it really gives off that

whole indie/designer vibe. I met the art director, Helmut and had a pretty good chat with him.

He was honest and direct about how demanding this industry is. Truth be told, I was a little taken aback

by the image he tried to paint me. I have my worries, definitely but if I do end up working there,

there's seriously no time for play.

Oh well, crossing my fingers for Monday's interview.

I think I might need a drink.

I'm not gonna lie, I still pretty much think about you day and night..

and as much as I really do try my best to stray away from thoughts of us,

it's something I can't seem to escape from.

But with all that said, I'm still grateful...

Cause you never really left.

x

Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but guess what?

I'm starting to feel alright.

Somehow tonight and last night bring me back to how it all started out...

I'm pretty sure this isn't me being too hopeful.

I don't know what it is but it makes me smile silly to myself :)

uhhh-mazing

oh no, a cigarette can't cover up the mess I'm in

But it makes me feel less lonely, again and again

I want another day with you

the fourteenth

I think that one thing I'm most afraid of right now is knowing the closeness we once had is partly gone.

It keeps hitting me like a bitch. Sooo damn hard... it's almost too impossible to fight it back.

It's like that day you finally choose or want to be numb to everything,

is when you actually feel a shitload of emotions. All in one go.

God, I miss you so much...

I have so many things I wanna let out but I'm afraid that by doing so,

my feelings might just eat me up alive.

Lord, help me out here.

Even the closest one to me right now can make me hit rock bottom.

Now I'm alone.

Maybe I'm better off like this anyway.

Maybe I never even had anyone in the first place.

get close, i love to feel your hair

so here we are

I don't think it's even about being tactless irregardless of what your intentions are anymore,

or about me being emotionally unstable over countless things at the moment...

It's come to that point wherein you're always just going to be looking for something more.

I'm tired of this chase.

I miss our tales of sheer happiness.

When will it ever feel like my time here is worth it?

It's like I never even left.

Cause things are still depressingly the same.

I miss home so much.

It's settled. I'm definitely not attending the convocation this coming weekend.

Wow, a huge weight lifted off me... you've no idea...

Why is it that the only time you make me feel needed is when you're at your lowest?

Today I enjoyed having a fairly good chat with you and esp hearing alot of nice things,

but the only thing that somehow stood out from our conversation was me being at fault for your misery.

I think this might be the start of letting go;

I can't feel a thing. Goodnight.

The Wangfluence, they say

Gassppppp! I know this is pretty overdue, but Dries Van Noten/Paris Fall 2010 is pretty kickass.

These are my favorites from the collection, butttt esp digging the 2nd look.

So simple but so chic. The oversized sweater def owns it.

On a diff note... Counting down to my return to Sg!

At least I get to dress up in layers and cover up again. Not exactly digging Manila weather.

take me away; always away

Colours I'm really digging right now... yum.

Believe it or not, my wardrobe's got a whole lot of hues going on lately.

Sometimes it gets kind of frustrating to have a boyfriend who's not as open minded

as I am towards fashion. I mean, I'm no high-end elitist when it comes to dressing and labels,
but I definitely have much appreciation/an eye for clothing/style. I can stay online for hours,
just browsing through tons of lookbooks and the likes. I could stay on a single site overnight,
just planning what to buy for the next spree. Leave me in ION by myself for a whole afternoon

and I'll go bankrupt.

etc, etc, etc...

But then again, I love him for being that boyfriend who doesn't completely understand all this,
just cause he's a real deal... guy. I love that.

live and let go

It's definitely not in my nature nor in my heart,

but right now, it just makes perfect sense to me...

here we are, we are

Been living off them feel good music lately.

Everyday, everywhere, people are so alive

I'm so stupid for being such a fool for you at times.

Fuck.

Things to go hunt for before I leave...

Those stones are too pretty.

We know the Alice Cullen look is big onscreen,

but trust us - there's nothing sexier than actually looking alive.
-FARAN KRENTCIL

lookbook staple transformation

(via Ever)

If there's one look I'd undyingly love to own, this would be a winner.

The first one totally grows on me. Love the classic, tomboy feel.

Amidst all the the has beens + etc, somehow I feel a slight sense of alienation.

So much irony in this...

Miles apart and you're still a douche.

We used to be the luminary ones

Bullet Proof

Awesome jewelry by Marion Vidal- I want.

If you fall hard, I'll fall harder

damage ctrl

TIME FOR CHANGE.

I DIE

Home sweet home after what seems like an eternity.

I missed this place.

p.s.

[02:42] brandon.: missed you

I'll see you soon sweetie.

IM TOO LAZY TO FILL THIS SPACE UP, SO LET ME JUST SAY...

VIVA España!!!
Watched the game over at Jingty's place together with Calvin and as time passed,
each of us had to tear away our tickets :( Since I was the only virgin wolrd cup fan,
I swear I was the most fickle HAHAHA It wasn't the most enjoyable game to watch,
but a goal is a goal & a win is a win!

We watched Germany's match the previous night as well over at Winebar, and I believe
that was more intense since it was my first time betting! It wasn't big bucks, but it was
definitely a kickass game for all of us. Apart from that, it was Brandon's first time ever
to actually hangout with me and my friends so snaps for that!!

Leaving in 3 days time, xx

I always believed that I was born nothing more than ordinary.
I wasn't so much a of a child prodigy growing up and the things I like- pretty typical stuff.
Most people here like to associate me with fashion, the colour black and weird.
It doesn't really come as a surprise to me, but it would be nice to be other things too.
I never really liked to be defined- heck, I myself can't even give a proper definition as to what
or who I am.Maybe it's cause I was never really born ordinary in the first place.

You know I'm not asking for perfection.
Do you feel the stillness in my heart?

idle mind

I've so many things running in my head, yet I can't even begin to write about a single thought.
Hmmm... Feels like I only come here when I'm upset over things. Lol.

Well, things have been relatively okay.
All I'm really looking forward to is Home.

heart pain

Sometimes it feels as if it's so hard for you to want me.
One day you'll say you're just not in the mood for anything at all...

Do you know what it feels like to hear such?

I change shapes just to hide in this place

weekend overview

karate kid with Brandon (thumbs uppp) + last minute zouk (england cheers/stupid techtonic moves/puke fest) +
lazy sunday with B (ate til full/outfit searching hehehe my boyfriend izz a fashionistaa) + sleeping mad early!!!

Happy 4th :)

Staying in on a Friday night isn't so bad after all, even if I'm just stoning half the time. HA.
Everyone is either inviting me to go join in the world cup fever or go club, zzz.
I still feel a slight tinge of happiness though, cause...
- I just bought stuff online!
- Got myself a pair of brogues!
- Went for threading (like finallyyy)
- Best of all, I got to see Brandon after what seems like lightyears! (missed you chubzz!)
- & of course I got myself some KOI hahaha

Yes, I'm shallow like that.
Designer Drugs tomorrow Y/N?

p.s. Aaahhhh, I really wanna go on a short getaway..
Someone bring me anywhere far far away from amk.

naked me

Hmmm... so this is what it's like to be out of school, jobless and rotting.
But then again, I'll be eating my words in no time- Retake starts next week!
Oh ya, someone contacted me for a freelance job today too (out of nowhere),
but had to turn it down. Sigh.

Things have been... well, different. Not the best days lately but today I had my KOI bubble tea (!!!)
and listened to my untouched playlist for months. KOC and Radiohead never get old.

I miss my boyfriend.

the 9th

I pray that something picks me and sets me near you,
a place where i can enamor you from a distance.

All these uncertainties...
Tell me I'm not the only one feeling it.

favorite boy forever

truth be told

"Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy.
Maybe it’s this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from
ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss,
the more confused we get - to the point where we don’t recognize ourselves.
Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were.
Until it eventually hits us, it’s been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes
but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar."

3:37am, Goodnight.

I miss you. I can't find any other set of words to sum up how I'm feeling right now, but that.
See you in a week plus' time.

Now that I'm officially free from the living hell hole that we call NAFA...

I AM BORED.

Loner

Sometimes I think to myself that I'll never find that contentment
I've been wanting to feel for so long. It's not that I choose not to,
more like it's a tad bit difficult to see the good stuff I got going on
in my life cause on most days, I just feel so empty, there's barely
any good feeling left inside of me.

I wasn't always like this, I swear.
But I thought having you would help mend the wounds a little.

xx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON TSANG!!!

Most days, I just want it to be you and me
cause I can't quite recall that feeling anymore.

This last week of school saw me getting killed.
Glad it's over. Yup, won't even dwell a bit on how assessment almost swallowed me in alive.
Time to live again. I hope.

some things never change

I realized I've been handling all this crap on my own since day 1.
And it's only gotten into me now.
Thinking about it... I'm afraid.

when will it stop

My world is spinning,
with or without you.

LOST.

i miss you brandon tsang!

P.S. I'm so fucking sleepy/hungry :(

Hell's Gate

Ohmyyyyyyyyy, time check: 1:13 am and I still haven't touched
a single shit on my fyp since I got home.

What a wasted Friday!!!

you and me x infinity

2 months and a lifetime more with you :)

insanity x crumbling walls

I'm craving for steamboat/sushi/abalone noodle.
Someone take me out for a date today.

8:42pm
I just ordered in Macs and had the usual mcspicy meal and tried the cinnamon stuff they have.
Ohmygod, serious diabetes kicking in soon.

Anyway, today I had a sudden breakdown due to fyp stress.
I'm not happy with any of my current designs, so I'm now back to square 1;
sketching, inking, scanning.
Gaaahhhh, hoping to finish my poster/flyer/mini catalogue this weekend.

HELLO FRIDAY NIGHT

Hmmm... It's been a while.
School's taking over, no doubt.
5 more weeks left to either doomsday or freedom.

Please let it be the latter.

You know how girls like to cut their hair after a breakup?
I cut mine tonight without that intention, but...

WASTED FRIDAY 1:08am

Where are you?

You're making it harder for me to hold on...

At the end of the day, it's me you've got.
Tell me it goes both ways?

p.s. holy cowww so many mosquitoes are feasting on me!!!
itching like fuuuuck. time to order macs! panda eyes sobsss

I wish you knew

p.s. fuck off & ask for favors from your own bf

bitch post 3:13 am AAAHHHHH

OhmyGod, I'm so lost with my fyp.
I mean, I know what I'm doing (or so I think) it's just that I realized that since I'm doing branding
of a (indie fashion) label, I can't do use much graphics. Now I'm sitting and staring at my sketches
and I hate everything. Cause mine is supposed to have a strong concept behind it yet it doesn't seem
to show much about it thru my designs. If only I could keep it simple with lots of whites and blacks,
then it'd be totally me. I don't get why the lecturers want everything to be so direct.
Uggghh. I'm so sick of my leaf designs.

omg panic panic i want this week to end alreadyyyyy

3:33am goddamnit

Fuuuck, I hate starving during the wee hours cause I can't do much about it.
I'm so sick of ordering Macs!

//edit//

Okay fuck that, I just ordered myself the big breakfast.
Anw, (while waiting) here's a to do list that's totally unrelated to sch:
-buy b&w film
-hair treatment+cut (gawd, long overdue)
errr... and save so I can buy things I rly want.

Okay, MACS JUST ARRIVED :D

tastefully done

Prettay awesome shots by Mario Sorrenti.
More of nekked kate Moss here.

Aah, I need a getaway.

Hate to be sick on a Saturday night.
Endless sneezing and runny nose. Haizz.

PLUS- a newly added bruise on my knee.
The things I get from clubbing mishaps...

1 new message
Bb: Should I use the normal cloth face mask or the mud kind?

HA HA. Wtf, so cute.
Can't wait for our super awesome east coast adventures!

across worlds

Goodnight x

sleepless we are

Stage 2: Over and done with.
Not the best work but at least I'm on the right track.

Alright, time to live again.
p.s. me needs some nail grooming asap.

look at your lady's eyes look at your lady's face, she's dancing around

Today's weather forecast: Perfect!
Singapore weather should just stay this way forever, although less chilly maybe.
Snacking on a chili dog + bubble tea right now while doing some sketches. HA.
WORK. WORK. WORK.

3:41am back in memory lane

Yo Bb, look how much of a chubz you were!
And this was only in December. HAHA.

Peace, Night!

Modern Perfection

Deena & Ozzy Mule
Mhmmm...

omg oh my god
after effects is driving me crazyyy.
if only i had macs by my side, maybe i'd be a wee bit sane.

................hmmmmmmm........ ...

& suddenly, i'm craving for ikea meatballs :(
hint hint hint

Holy cow, I can't believe the 2 week holiday's coming to end.

No, no, noooooo.....

:(

a game show love connection

we'll sleep on baking roads

bring back the good times

Saturday saw me getting killed.
By far the worst weekend of 2010, yet due to alcohol consumption (major)...
but I can't deny the fact that the night started off pretty damn good.

Of silly drinking games and targeting eachother...
In the end, it was only Huihui down and I eventually (puke fest, ughh).
No more last minute clubbing plans, ever.

Apart from that one night of deadly inebriation, spent some time with bb the next few days.
Watched Silence of the Lambs (thumbs up), falling asleep one too many times
and feasting over pancakes and maggi noodles. Booooo.
Haha, yes we are 2 broke people. Pancakes were good though.

p.s. I can't get over how gross and drunk I was last weekend.
I came home with unexpected diarrhea and cried myself to sleep. Ha.

3:08am rants

That's it, a few cheap finds for now and joining the next spree instead.
MUST.CONTROL.
Sleep now, enjoy the weekend and do work on Sunday.
Oh, pls pls try to get some work done!
Sunday, I promise to finish my flyer + identity at least.

Y'all probably have no idea what I'm talking about.
Night night.

Not today

Asos/Surface to air

my thoughts

I don't need you to trade your world for me.
I'll never ask you to do that.

Sometimes I just need to know that being with me is something you look forward to,
perhaps even excites you... cause that feeling I had when we first started out
hasn't changed up until today. Swear.

xx

This weekend was nothing short of perfect;
Always with my favorite boy.

Cheers to staying in, getting excited over Titanic on tv, an early morning (unfortunate)
trip to the hospital, wee hour food cravings, FRIENDS til we fall asleep, and good good sleep!
Yes, pigs we are.

Some shots from the first roll.
Nothing fancy, just our faces.



This was vday at Sentosa.
Picnic by the beach, stuffing ourselves with awesome ikea meatballs (prepared by him)
and a bacardi breezer! Haha. Beach was mad crowded but we surprisingly found a perfect spot.

Thank you, bb.